Beijing, baby!

Beijing and Beyond! Well, no, actually just Beijing. But still, out of Shijiazhuang! So Swine Flu is out of the picture, at least as far as my vacation is concerned, and I’m outta here! One train ride at 6:30 am (thanks to Nadya) later and we are on our way. Now I guess it would be a bit of a lie to say I’ve never been to Beijing, because in truth, I dragged my sorry, jet-lagged ass through the city when I first landed in China. But, with the exception of the buildings I saw out the taxi window from the airport to the train station, I can’t say I’ve seen much of the city. So now I’m heading to the city with my other foreign teacher friends, for whom Beijing is old news. There’s Nadya from Belarus, Richard from England, and Dani from Iowa, which may technically be part of the States, but in my book, anything east of Colorado and west of Pennsylvania counts as butt fuck Egypt. You probably need a passport to enter the middle of the country, so I just haven’t bothered.

The four of us arrive in Beijing at about 8:30 am which is still technically the middle of the night to someone not used to waking up before noon. Nadya has plans to meet up with a friend at the train station, so Richard, Dani, and I grab a taxi to our hostel. My first intention is to take a big, fat nap, but not until after I’ve had a proper American breakfast. I haven’t had bacon, hash browns, or toast in about 7 weeks, and that is too long to go without that option! And it’s only $3 for a full breakfast! Ahhhh, life is good; nothing beats fresh toast in the morning.

So, in theory, I knew the three of us would be sharing a room with others; I just hadn’t fully prepared myself for the actuality of it. In my delusional head, everyone would have decided Beijing was not worth the trip and we would have the room to ourselves. Hrrrumphh. Maybe I’ve been too spoiled by private hotel rooms and my own bathroom where I don’t have to wear flip flops in the shower, but this whole ten strangers to a room is quite the shock to my system. Since we got to the hostel around 9:00 in the morning, most of the inhabitants of Room 318 are still sleeping. And snoring. The only beds left are the top bunks, and I have a serious lack of coordination when I’m not trying to climb over a sleeping body, but when I am, but uncoordinated abilities tend to double. However, my need for a nap is that great, so I climb over everyone’s array of shit on the floor, the sleeping bodies, and hurl myself onto the top bunk. Looking around, the only person that really catches my attention is this guy on a bottom bunk who has so much hair, front and back, that he might as well be wearing a sweater; holy shit this guy is furry. It turns out his name is Levee from Israel, and he often leaves and has to come back shortly because he forgot his shoes. Don’t ask, because I don’t understand it myself.

So my first official sightseeing stop in Beijing is Tiananmen Square, and although it’s exciting to witness a square that was the official site for a needless massacre, it’s pretty much just a big square. Although, in homage to China’s 60th National Day Celebration, it has been decorated with some tacky crap and there are about 80 kajillion people roaming about. Still, it is my first sight seeing extravaganza and I am pumped! From here I can see the Forbidden City, although I didn’t go in. (And not because it’s forbidden, if that’s what you’re thinking). So, since Mao’s dead body exhibit isn’t open today, we decide to poke around and maybe check out a foreign book store, and then it’s back to the hostel to get ready for a night out. I’m about to piss myself with excitement, because for the first time in 7 weeks, I’m going to eat at Outback Steak House. Why come to China and eat American food, you might be asking yourself. Well let me tell you, I’d sell my soul right about now for a piece of real cheese, and 2 straight months of nothing but Chinese food starts to weigh on a person’s wellbeing. It is for my own good and for the good of those around me that I am eating an overpriced prime rib tonight, because if I hadn’t, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. And don’t get me started on the Caesar salad I had, because I’ll probably start welling up at the memory. And I just realized I pretty much wrote an entire paragraph about the Outback, so maybe it’s about time to wrap up that segment of my blog. Moving along…

So many bars in Beijing and so little time! A very nice change of pace from the usual clubs we frequent, and after all, variety is the spice of life. After chilling with a few beers, we make our way to another bar where we proceed to hang out, take shots called “lube jobs” and I am conned into pantomiming and acting out what a lube job is to the Chinese bar tender. I wonder how many foreigners he’s gotten to do that just for shits and giggles. Anyways, it’s a shock to my system to see so many white people in one place, so I decide to mix and mingle and introduce myself to people and find out where everyone’s from. It’s going well until I stumble on this British chick, who turns out to be a giant, raving bitch. I started with a simple compliment: I liked her hair. And she retorts, “well, it’s kind of genetic so I don’t really have a choice in the matter. “OK British girl, I’m just trying to be nice. I try again, and ask her what she’s doing in Beijing and tell her I’m an English teacher from Seattle. She then says, “Wow. It must be hard to teach English when you can’t speak the language properly.” Yep, she’s one of those British people. Now my friend Richard ranks on America all the time, which is fine because he’s my friend and I can just as easily tell him that his queen has herpes, but this chick doesn’t know me! I don’t know why I keep bothering to try and win this girl over, but I try and develop some camaraderie by talking about China and thinking maybe we can commiserate about the squatting toilets and the lack of toilet paper. She asks me, “So you came half way across the world to piss and moan about tissue paper?” Alright British bitch, you win. I’m done. And just so you know, we kicked your asses once and we could do it again. That’s right, check your history book.
After that incident, we decided to go to a club, have overpriced drinks, and dance the night away. At about 4 o clock, I wander out of the bar and stumble into McDonalds for some middle of the night drunk munchies. Unfortunately, all this western food combined the plethora of shots I have pounded turn me into an emotional homesick wreck, and I start crying over my chicken nuggets like an oversized. I’m sure it was quite the sight, and I don’t want to think too much about it so we’re going to skip past it and the part where I drunkenly stumbled over sleeping hostel mates.
So now we’re on to the next day. Nadya has disappeared into no man’s land with a friend of hers, and Dani is off gallivanting with a Chinese man she met. Is it just me, or do people not use the word gallivanting enough? I think it should make a comeback. So basically, Richard is stuck being my tour guide and helping me to navigate the Beijing subway system. We eventually decide to take a long walk to a park called Beihei Park, which I thought was some hole in the wall landscape with some grass and benches. I didn’t know he was talking about the Imperial Gardens, and it turned out to be fantastically amazing. The temples, views, and scenery were a refreshing break from the busy grind of the city, and I could really imagine emperors coming here to collect their thoughts and be surrounded by beauty. It was worth the long walk in my inadequate flip flops (I was packing in a hurry at 5:30 am and I didn’t consider the best footwear). After trekking around town with my achy feet and chafed thighs, all I wanted was a nap and I unintentionally ended up sleeping through the hostel’s dumpling making party. Damnit! I was seriously looking forward to that.

Fast forward to the next morning after a sleepless night and being woken up by people entering and leaving the room, snoring, and opening my eyes to see Richard across the room in a man-thong. He claims they are normal underwear, but they were ridiculously small, and let’ s call a spade a spade. I don’t think anyone could go back to sleep after this; I sure as hell couldn’t. And I almost forgot to mention, that the day before, I threw a walnut at him and he freaked out, thinking it was a giant mosquito. What a lemon, that one is. So after breakfast we decide to meet up with Nadya who insists that the Olympic Village is the best sight to see in Beijing. So we saw the Bird’s Nest building, and the aquatic center, and walked around for an hour, which is one hour of my life that I will never get back. I’m sorry Nadya, I think it’s cool and all that the 2008 Olympics were held in Beijing, but there is only so long you can milk it, and there’s really nothing to get excited about now in my opinion. So now we’re on our way to the Summer Palace, and by this time I am really kicking myself in the ass for not bringing a good pair of walking shoes. And of course the Summer Palace is about 270 miles in circumference and we get to walk the whole thing! I am only mildly exaggerating…those emperors had quite the hook up. Anyways, the views, temples, and atmosphere were absolutely breath taking, and if it weren’t for the swarm of tourists it would have been so peaceful and soothing. And then we got to take a boat ride to an island in the middle of a lake, which is awesome! I love boat rides! Who doesn’t? I’ve never heard of anyone having a bad time on a boat. Except for maybe the Titanic, but that was ages ago!

So all in all, I enjoyed Beijing immensely, even if we almost missed our train due to a manipulative taxi driver and had to run like hell through the train station. I passed out on the train and woke up only to pass out about 4.7 seconds after we walked in the door. Definitely nice to have a break, short as it may be, from Shijiazhuang. In all truthfulness I feel a bit like a loser that this is my first time out of the city since arriving in China. Guess I need to make a bit more of an effort. I have only about 10 months less now, so I suppose I better get a move on!