This blog is purely for my own whining, self pity, and nostalgia. I have hit the 6 month mark- officially over half way through my maiden voyage. As the finish line is still looming off in the distance, I am rapidly consumed with thoughts of what I am missing most in the good old US of A. I don’t miss all of these things all the time, but since I’m being truly self indulgent here, I’m putting it all out there. Hardly newsworthy I know, but here, in no particular order, is my “miss list” from home.
1. Family & friends
2. Barrett
3. Soft mattresses
4. Butterfingers
5. Children in diapers
6. Shower curtains
7. Soy chai lattes
8. Unrestricted internet access
9. Mexican food
10. Privacy
11. Bed Bath and Beyond (I don’t know why)
12. The English alphabet
13. Hot chocolate
14. Magazines (that I can read)
15. Fresh air
16. Anonymity
17. Driving
18. A kitchen sink
19. Movie theaters
20. Dairy
21. Nature
22. Bubble Baths
23. Powell’s Bookstore
24. Ovens
25. Traffic laws
26. Properly formed lines
27. Toilet paper in public restrooms
28. Consistency – well that’s not a guarantee at home, either
29. Holidays
30. My dog
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Hodge Podge Blog
I am sitting in the closest thing to a café I can find in Shijiazhuang, drinking my 75 cent cup of milk tea and contemplating how I am going to spend my remaining four months in China. Hard to believe I’m on the downward slope; it snuck up on me much faster than I expected. My options are somewhat limited now until glorious pay day, thanks to my spending sprees and traveling extravaganzas. But I’ve been doing some heavy thinking about what’s up next for me, and I’ve come to some profound (according to me) conclusions. First, I intend to save up for more traveling, despite my parents’ warnings that I will have no money to my name when I finally make it back home. Next stop on the journey: Lebanon. I have an awesome aunt teaching there as we speak, and I figure as long as I’m out and about, why not? A ticket to Beirut from China is much cheaper than a ticket from the States. That being said, it’s still not chump change. So if anyone has any inclination to donate to the “Emily’s poor and wants to go traveling fund,” drop me a line and I’ll be happy to give you account info where you can donate to your heart’s content. Aside from Lebanon, I am planning to take a weekend trip to Tsingdao on the coast, and also Xi’an to visit the infamous Terracotta Warriors. These are my “must sees,” and if I can scrape up enough cash, I’m dying to visit Yunan Province in the south of China. But I’m not going to push my luck, so I’ll have to play that one by ear.
Other than traveling, I guess there are a lot of ways I want to spend the next few months. I’m psyched about teaching this semester; I have all the same classes and it really feels like some of them are making real progress. A lot of students are starting to say “thank you” instead of “sank you,” so I call that a victory. So, keep up my awesome teaching is goal number one. Ha, how conceited did I just sound right there? Next up is to cherish the precious free time I have and put it to awesome use. I’ve been reading more books, learning to play guitar, and attempting to lose a few notches on my belt. Some other teachers and I have been rockin’ the Tae Bo scene pretty hard 4 or 5 times a week. So don’t be surprised if you’re mesmerized by my sculpted muscles upon my return. I won’t blame you for staring. Hmmmmm….what else? Well, if you’ve been reading this blog then you’re probably aware that I have taken a great deal of advantage of the free liquor and pirated DVDs. As much as I’ve enjoyed it, I’d like to claim I did more than drink myself into oblivion and watch a lot of Lost when someone asks me what I did in China. So, I’m attempting to extricate myself from my apartment more often and venture into the city. I know that Shijiazhuang is kind of like the North Dakota of China, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make my own entertainment. So I plan to take random buses into the city and get off at unknown stops. I want to do more hiking, take more pictures, talk to more strangers, try unknown restaurants, and get a little more lost here. That’s my goal; I’ll be sure to keep you apprised of the results.
So I think I’m actually getting a bit ahead of myself here. Here I am telling you about future plans when I’ve yet to mention the last few weeks of traveling. Staying true to this blog, it’s all about China. I’ve written all about Hainan Island and Thailand, and now we’re back to Beijing. Kerianne and I are joined by our friend Jacqui to spend the next 8 days together and celebrate Chinese New year. And bless Jacq’s heart she came bearing magazines and Butterfingers. The great thing about traveling with these girls is I can now see all the sights I’ve wanted to see without boring those who have seen it before. On the downside, a lot of crap is closed because of Chinese New Year. Speaking of which, you have not seen fireworks until you’ve been to China during the New Year. I hate to break it to you Fourth of July, but China’s in the major leagues and you’re still playing T-ball. If I hadn’t known any better I would have sworn World War III had just busted out. No words I use will even begin to describe the insanity of those fireworks, but for the next three days I could still smell and feel the firework residue all around. And do the Chinese stop the fireworks after one day? Of course not, that would be too inexpensive and environmentally sound; this crap lasts for three weeks. Now I’m not trying to knock cultural festivities or anything, but wouldn’t you think those fireworks would get a little old after a while? I guess I’m a bit of a downer because one day is just plenty for me.
[Side note: As I’m looking back and editing this blog, I am attempting to drown out the sound of even more fireworks. Apparently now we are celebrating the completion of the first month of the Chinese calendar. So from what I have gathered, this festival celebrates that the Dragon is raising his head, and apparently we’re all supposed to get haircuts. If you get your haircut before the end of the first month, it could mean bad luck or even death for your uncle. I swear to you I’m not making this up.]
So after 7 or 8 days in ice cold Beijing, we are taking a side trip to Shanxi Province to a city called Datong. We took a sleeper train and had ourselves a wee bit of a situation. Trying to argue in Chinese that you won’t be sleeping in someone else’s dirty sheets when you don’t know the Chinese word for “dirty” or “sheets” is not as easy as it sounds. After wild pantomiming and much frustration, other passengers requested to be moved out of our sleeper car. We had ourselves some clean sheets and privacy, so I guess it all worked out in the end. So even though we were exhausted from a 6 hour ride on rock hard sleepers, we arrived in Datong at 6 am and psyched for a full day of sightseeing. The day started with a quick gander at the Nine Dragon Screen: a long, exquisite, ceramic screen that appears as though nine dragons might actually leap out at you. The next spot in the itinerary was my personal favorite of the day, the Yunang Caves. The 26 caves have been transformed into spiritual and storytelling masterpieces, each elaborately filled with hand carved Buddhas ranging from 1 inch to 50 feet high. I know Kerianne and Jacq loved it as well, but I think they were a little Buddha’d out after a while. I’m a huge geek and I found the whole experience mind blowing. The final destination for the day was the hanging temple which is so called because it hangs out of the side of a mountain. The temple looks like a short climb, but once you’re up there it feels pretty damn high. I have a small phobia of heights, but Jacq’s is worse than mine. Let me just say, that girl is a trooper. All in all, the temple, the views, and the thrill make this sight pretty freaking awesome. All three of us give Datong a very enthusiastic two thumbs up.
Fortunately for us, our train ride back to Beijing was much smoother and the following day Jacq went back to the US. All that’s left of my travels was to show Kerianne around Shijiazhuang and then get her safely on a plane to Shanghai. She was, as most people are, a little underwhelmed by everything Shijiazhuang has to offer, but we still managed to have a good time. The day before she is preparing to leave and I am preparing to spend one week lying in bed, she makes me an offer I can’t refuse. She is going to Shanghai for a couple days and asks if I would like to meet her and hang out in Hong Kong for three days. Who in their right mind would turn down a trip to Hong Kong?! I had just enough time to do my laundry, lounge around for two days, get bored of lounging, and then hop on a plane to meet her in Hong Kong! [Personal message to Kerianne: Just because you go through customs doesn’t mean Hong Kong is its own country!]
Three days in Hong Kong is just long enough to make me realize I definitely want to come back and spend more time in Hong Kong. Aside from all the British influence, I couldn’t find any flaws. The first day was spent fulfilling one of Kerianne’s goals to visit every Disney Land the world has to offer. Hong Kong Disneyland makes up for its’ lack of rides by offering photo ops with the characters in traditional Chinese outfits. Is it sad that we waited in line for over an hour to have our pictures taken with Chinese Mickey and Minnie? Probably. But it was still awesome.
Our second day in Hong Kong started at the crack of noon, and we took a nearly vertical tram to “The Peak.” On a clear day, The Peak is supposed to have unrivaled views of the city. On a cloudy day, the view isn’t quite as spectacular, but still definitely worth the trip. The world’s most expensive house is up there, along with some tacky malls, and a gorgeous nature walk around the entire peak. True to our traveling natures, Kerianne was excited about the malls and I was stoked for the nature walk. I really miss trees. After The Peak we took a short ferry ride to a nearby island for a seafood dinner on the waterfront. As I’m writing this I realize just how much that sounds like a date. We topped off our romantic evening with a trip to one of Hong Kong’s most famous night markets and haggled for souvenirs. I will really miss the haggling when I get back to the States. I wouldn’t be surprised if I start trying to bargain for cheaper face wash in Target or yelling at Safeway employees for the outrageous prices of their produce. Heads up to my friends and family - you might not want to be seen with me in public for the first month or so after I get back.
For our very last day in Hong Kong, we actually opted to spend it on the island of Macau instead. Macau, much like Hong Kong, just recently became a part of China again. Unlike Hong Kong, Macau was occupied by Portugal and not Britain. It’s very surreal to see Chinese signs with Portuguese written underneath. Macau is known as the Las Vegas of Asia, so we spent the bulk of the evening in the casinos rather than sightseeing. Asian Vegas provided me no more luck than American Vegas did. I walked out of there with 100 RMB less than I walked in with. Note to self: if you’re poor, it’s not wise to gamble with what little money you do have. Although I’m sure if I’d won I’d be singing an entirely different tune. Exhausted, we took a 2 am ferry back to Hong Kong so I could get up at 7 am for my flight back home. A very awesome three days if I do say so myself.
Well wouldn’t you know it, I’ve updated you on just about everything significant that has happened to me in the past few months. Scrolling up I’m realizing just how long I’ve rambled on for, so thanks for sticking this blog out. Until next time!
Other than traveling, I guess there are a lot of ways I want to spend the next few months. I’m psyched about teaching this semester; I have all the same classes and it really feels like some of them are making real progress. A lot of students are starting to say “thank you” instead of “sank you,” so I call that a victory. So, keep up my awesome teaching is goal number one. Ha, how conceited did I just sound right there? Next up is to cherish the precious free time I have and put it to awesome use. I’ve been reading more books, learning to play guitar, and attempting to lose a few notches on my belt. Some other teachers and I have been rockin’ the Tae Bo scene pretty hard 4 or 5 times a week. So don’t be surprised if you’re mesmerized by my sculpted muscles upon my return. I won’t blame you for staring. Hmmmmm….what else? Well, if you’ve been reading this blog then you’re probably aware that I have taken a great deal of advantage of the free liquor and pirated DVDs. As much as I’ve enjoyed it, I’d like to claim I did more than drink myself into oblivion and watch a lot of Lost when someone asks me what I did in China. So, I’m attempting to extricate myself from my apartment more often and venture into the city. I know that Shijiazhuang is kind of like the North Dakota of China, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make my own entertainment. So I plan to take random buses into the city and get off at unknown stops. I want to do more hiking, take more pictures, talk to more strangers, try unknown restaurants, and get a little more lost here. That’s my goal; I’ll be sure to keep you apprised of the results.
So I think I’m actually getting a bit ahead of myself here. Here I am telling you about future plans when I’ve yet to mention the last few weeks of traveling. Staying true to this blog, it’s all about China. I’ve written all about Hainan Island and Thailand, and now we’re back to Beijing. Kerianne and I are joined by our friend Jacqui to spend the next 8 days together and celebrate Chinese New year. And bless Jacq’s heart she came bearing magazines and Butterfingers. The great thing about traveling with these girls is I can now see all the sights I’ve wanted to see without boring those who have seen it before. On the downside, a lot of crap is closed because of Chinese New Year. Speaking of which, you have not seen fireworks until you’ve been to China during the New Year. I hate to break it to you Fourth of July, but China’s in the major leagues and you’re still playing T-ball. If I hadn’t known any better I would have sworn World War III had just busted out. No words I use will even begin to describe the insanity of those fireworks, but for the next three days I could still smell and feel the firework residue all around. And do the Chinese stop the fireworks after one day? Of course not, that would be too inexpensive and environmentally sound; this crap lasts for three weeks. Now I’m not trying to knock cultural festivities or anything, but wouldn’t you think those fireworks would get a little old after a while? I guess I’m a bit of a downer because one day is just plenty for me.
[Side note: As I’m looking back and editing this blog, I am attempting to drown out the sound of even more fireworks. Apparently now we are celebrating the completion of the first month of the Chinese calendar. So from what I have gathered, this festival celebrates that the Dragon is raising his head, and apparently we’re all supposed to get haircuts. If you get your haircut before the end of the first month, it could mean bad luck or even death for your uncle. I swear to you I’m not making this up.]
So after 7 or 8 days in ice cold Beijing, we are taking a side trip to Shanxi Province to a city called Datong. We took a sleeper train and had ourselves a wee bit of a situation. Trying to argue in Chinese that you won’t be sleeping in someone else’s dirty sheets when you don’t know the Chinese word for “dirty” or “sheets” is not as easy as it sounds. After wild pantomiming and much frustration, other passengers requested to be moved out of our sleeper car. We had ourselves some clean sheets and privacy, so I guess it all worked out in the end. So even though we were exhausted from a 6 hour ride on rock hard sleepers, we arrived in Datong at 6 am and psyched for a full day of sightseeing. The day started with a quick gander at the Nine Dragon Screen: a long, exquisite, ceramic screen that appears as though nine dragons might actually leap out at you. The next spot in the itinerary was my personal favorite of the day, the Yunang Caves. The 26 caves have been transformed into spiritual and storytelling masterpieces, each elaborately filled with hand carved Buddhas ranging from 1 inch to 50 feet high. I know Kerianne and Jacq loved it as well, but I think they were a little Buddha’d out after a while. I’m a huge geek and I found the whole experience mind blowing. The final destination for the day was the hanging temple which is so called because it hangs out of the side of a mountain. The temple looks like a short climb, but once you’re up there it feels pretty damn high. I have a small phobia of heights, but Jacq’s is worse than mine. Let me just say, that girl is a trooper. All in all, the temple, the views, and the thrill make this sight pretty freaking awesome. All three of us give Datong a very enthusiastic two thumbs up.
Fortunately for us, our train ride back to Beijing was much smoother and the following day Jacq went back to the US. All that’s left of my travels was to show Kerianne around Shijiazhuang and then get her safely on a plane to Shanghai. She was, as most people are, a little underwhelmed by everything Shijiazhuang has to offer, but we still managed to have a good time. The day before she is preparing to leave and I am preparing to spend one week lying in bed, she makes me an offer I can’t refuse. She is going to Shanghai for a couple days and asks if I would like to meet her and hang out in Hong Kong for three days. Who in their right mind would turn down a trip to Hong Kong?! I had just enough time to do my laundry, lounge around for two days, get bored of lounging, and then hop on a plane to meet her in Hong Kong! [Personal message to Kerianne: Just because you go through customs doesn’t mean Hong Kong is its own country!]
Three days in Hong Kong is just long enough to make me realize I definitely want to come back and spend more time in Hong Kong. Aside from all the British influence, I couldn’t find any flaws. The first day was spent fulfilling one of Kerianne’s goals to visit every Disney Land the world has to offer. Hong Kong Disneyland makes up for its’ lack of rides by offering photo ops with the characters in traditional Chinese outfits. Is it sad that we waited in line for over an hour to have our pictures taken with Chinese Mickey and Minnie? Probably. But it was still awesome.
Our second day in Hong Kong started at the crack of noon, and we took a nearly vertical tram to “The Peak.” On a clear day, The Peak is supposed to have unrivaled views of the city. On a cloudy day, the view isn’t quite as spectacular, but still definitely worth the trip. The world’s most expensive house is up there, along with some tacky malls, and a gorgeous nature walk around the entire peak. True to our traveling natures, Kerianne was excited about the malls and I was stoked for the nature walk. I really miss trees. After The Peak we took a short ferry ride to a nearby island for a seafood dinner on the waterfront. As I’m writing this I realize just how much that sounds like a date. We topped off our romantic evening with a trip to one of Hong Kong’s most famous night markets and haggled for souvenirs. I will really miss the haggling when I get back to the States. I wouldn’t be surprised if I start trying to bargain for cheaper face wash in Target or yelling at Safeway employees for the outrageous prices of their produce. Heads up to my friends and family - you might not want to be seen with me in public for the first month or so after I get back.
For our very last day in Hong Kong, we actually opted to spend it on the island of Macau instead. Macau, much like Hong Kong, just recently became a part of China again. Unlike Hong Kong, Macau was occupied by Portugal and not Britain. It’s very surreal to see Chinese signs with Portuguese written underneath. Macau is known as the Las Vegas of Asia, so we spent the bulk of the evening in the casinos rather than sightseeing. Asian Vegas provided me no more luck than American Vegas did. I walked out of there with 100 RMB less than I walked in with. Note to self: if you’re poor, it’s not wise to gamble with what little money you do have. Although I’m sure if I’d won I’d be singing an entirely different tune. Exhausted, we took a 2 am ferry back to Hong Kong so I could get up at 7 am for my flight back home. A very awesome three days if I do say so myself.
Well wouldn’t you know it, I’ve updated you on just about everything significant that has happened to me in the past few months. Scrolling up I’m realizing just how long I’ve rambled on for, so thanks for sticking this blog out. Until next time!
How did this blog get in here?
So, if you’ve been following this blog you’re most likely aware that it consists of my tales, triumphs, and woes of living in China. Well, I figure it’s about time to shake things up a bit and throw a bit of variety your way. So for your viewing pleasure, I am dedicating this blog to the 10 days I spent in Thailand. Still within the Asian realm, I’m assuming Thailand still constitutes as relevant traveling info. So fasten your seat belts ladies and gentlemen – we’re headed to Bangkok.
After saying another goodbye to Barrett and once again weeping and making a scene at the airport, I set off to Bangkok to meet Kerianne. A good friend since college, K Dawg and I are still puzzled as to why we’re friends. This girl and I are like oil and water, day and night, Ann Coulter and a decent human being. But somehow, despite our opposite stances on just about EVERYTHING, we’ve managed to solidify these differences into a pretty stellar friendship. Now we’re about to push the boundaries and become traveling buddies. And are we still friends after spending one month together traipsing around Asia? Stay tuned.
The original plan is to meet at a hostel in Bangkok and spend 10 days there rockin’ the thrifty traveler lifestyle. Kerianne beats me there, and after having spent a shitty week in Russia, she is not psyched to stay at our sub-par hostel. I didn’t think the hostel was too bad, but this again highlights our one of many vast differences. She could use a few days at the beach, and who am I to say no to that? So thanks to her generous family, we are heading out first thing in the morning (and by that I mean 11:30 am) to the Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya.
As it turns out, Pattaya is a bit crowded and touristy for my taste, but it is perfect for a few days of sun, sand, and beating the “Barrett’s-gone-and-I-won’t-see-him-for-another-5-months” blues. And soak up the sun, we did. Somehow to my disappointment but not surprise, I’m still a ghastly shade of white. We also partake in some bargain price parasailing (I don’t recommend it), and I finally lose my jet skiing virginity. This choppy half an hour of stopping/starting/falling off around the ocean is perhaps my favorite 30 minutes of the entire trip. So if anyone needs an idea for my welcome back present, a jet ski will earn you major props. I won’t even take credit for the idea.
On our last morning in Pattaya, we treat ourselves to a traditional Thai massage. A bargain price of $10 for one hour, but I’m not sure who the massage is most therapeutic for: me or the masseuse. If you have anger issues and need to take them out on someone while getting paid for it, I highly recommend moving to Thailand and taking up the art of massage. I don’t know what I did to this lady in a previous life, but she sure as hell felt like taking it out on me now. I don’t think my muscles were meant to move like that. Who knew a 90 pound Thai woman had so much pent up rage! Strangely enough, after a 60 minute beating, I walk away feeling like a brand new woman, and as I write this I am having a masochistic craving for a massage right now. Side note: 4 days later I want a reflexology foot massage and am turned away because it is that time of the month. Hrrrmmmpph. This feels like Biblical times and I am being forced to leave the village. Maybe they are afraid I will attract bears. Who knows, but if you have answers as to why, please enlighten me.
Feeling relaxed and rejuvenated from our 3 days in Pattaya, we are ready to hit Bangkok for some hard core sight seeing. Thank God the one thing Kerianne and I do have in common is our shared love of sleeping in; an early start for us means leaving the hotel room before 12:30 pm. In one week, we manage to cram in a ton of sight seeing. We see the Grand Palace, the Wat Arun (a temple with VERTICAL stairs), the zoo, the floating market, a silk entrepreneur’s mansion, shrines, and Budhhas, Buddhas, and more Buddhas; you name it, we saw it. And did you know that Bangkok is kind of like the Venice of Asia? I didn’t. We took a boat tour of the canals and saw a completely different side of the city. Our favorite sight seeing highlights? Well, since day one, Kerianne had her sights set on riding an elephant in Thailand. A word to the wise, do not mess with this girl if she has her eye on the prize. Nothing will deter her. So after the Floating Market we make our way to the Rose Garden for the elephant show to check out some elephants shakin’ what their mamas gave them. And alas, Kerianne was finally able to ride her elephant. True it was only for about 40 seconds and in one small circle, but she was able to ride it nonetheless.
Another joint favorite of ours would undoubtedly be the Lady Boy show. (Side note: I don’t think its actual name is the Lady Boy show, but that’s what I coined it.) Thailand is pretty well known for its transvestites, so they bank on it by putting on a kick ass cabaret show comprised of all men. Women, if you want to feel badly about yourself, go to a Lady Boy show. Personally, nothing makes me feel crappier than walking away and wishing I could look as good in women’s underwear as these men did. But as they say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. And try as I might, I was unable to detect Adam’s apples or any, um, hint of manliness south of the border. I would have sworn these were actually women and this whole show was just a farce, but then I heard the voices and that theory went out the window. The best part? The photo ops afterwards. I had my picture taken with as many Lady Boys as would let me. I’m pretty sure, and Kerianne confirms, that I made an ass out of myself gushing about their beauty, turning bright red, and then pushing and shoving to get my picture with the next Lady Boy down the line. So, if you don’t feel like getting me a jet ski, a Lady Boy for my own personal entertainment will also suffice. I’m just throwing ideas out there.
So was the entire trip all peaches and cream? Not exactly. There were most definitely times when the respective traveling styles of Kerianne and I clashed big time. I aim to abandon the comforts of home when traveling whereas Kerianne prefers to embrace them. We had to bust out our compromising skills and put them to good use. So I kept my eye rolling and moaning to a minimum as we perused the inside of many malls and McDonalds, and she did the same while we ate in hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurants and I took a gazillion pictures of tropical flowers. As a lover of PB & J, pizza, and classic American cuisine, Thai food was not exactly up Kerianne’s alley. But bless her peanut butter loving heart; she gave Thai food a shot, even if it was mostly chicken fried rice. She even claimed to enjoy the dessert of mango, and coconut sticky rice. P.S. that dessert was so amazing I had to change my pants afterwards. Suffice it to say, neither of us got to do things exactly the way we wanted the whole time, but somehow we managed to create a pretty good mix of the two us without any eye gouging or hair pulling. A few close calls, but somehow, to our disbelief, we’re still friends.
My final review of Bangkok would state that I found it to be a fascinating city, but one I’m not positive I would return to. The sights and history are spectacular; the intricacy and elaborateness of the temples is almost unparalleled. The spirituality and devotion expressed on street side shrines is both inspiring and mesmerizing. The boat ride through the canals offered a unique view of Bangkok I’d never expected to see. On the downside, the traffic in Bangkok is enough to make the most patient person in the world want to slit their own wrists. Doesn’t matter if it’s 11 am or 11 pm – all traffic all the time. The city is also insanely busy, geared toward tourism, and I think I heard more English than Thai being spoken. While I emphatically recommend visiting Bangkok, I think my next trip to Thailand will be aimed at places a little more remote and off the beaten path. That being said, I am now a big fan. Go see it for yourself and let me know what you think.
After saying another goodbye to Barrett and once again weeping and making a scene at the airport, I set off to Bangkok to meet Kerianne. A good friend since college, K Dawg and I are still puzzled as to why we’re friends. This girl and I are like oil and water, day and night, Ann Coulter and a decent human being. But somehow, despite our opposite stances on just about EVERYTHING, we’ve managed to solidify these differences into a pretty stellar friendship. Now we’re about to push the boundaries and become traveling buddies. And are we still friends after spending one month together traipsing around Asia? Stay tuned.
The original plan is to meet at a hostel in Bangkok and spend 10 days there rockin’ the thrifty traveler lifestyle. Kerianne beats me there, and after having spent a shitty week in Russia, she is not psyched to stay at our sub-par hostel. I didn’t think the hostel was too bad, but this again highlights our one of many vast differences. She could use a few days at the beach, and who am I to say no to that? So thanks to her generous family, we are heading out first thing in the morning (and by that I mean 11:30 am) to the Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya.
As it turns out, Pattaya is a bit crowded and touristy for my taste, but it is perfect for a few days of sun, sand, and beating the “Barrett’s-gone-and-I-won’t-see-him-for-another-5-months” blues. And soak up the sun, we did. Somehow to my disappointment but not surprise, I’m still a ghastly shade of white. We also partake in some bargain price parasailing (I don’t recommend it), and I finally lose my jet skiing virginity. This choppy half an hour of stopping/starting/falling off around the ocean is perhaps my favorite 30 minutes of the entire trip. So if anyone needs an idea for my welcome back present, a jet ski will earn you major props. I won’t even take credit for the idea.
On our last morning in Pattaya, we treat ourselves to a traditional Thai massage. A bargain price of $10 for one hour, but I’m not sure who the massage is most therapeutic for: me or the masseuse. If you have anger issues and need to take them out on someone while getting paid for it, I highly recommend moving to Thailand and taking up the art of massage. I don’t know what I did to this lady in a previous life, but she sure as hell felt like taking it out on me now. I don’t think my muscles were meant to move like that. Who knew a 90 pound Thai woman had so much pent up rage! Strangely enough, after a 60 minute beating, I walk away feeling like a brand new woman, and as I write this I am having a masochistic craving for a massage right now. Side note: 4 days later I want a reflexology foot massage and am turned away because it is that time of the month. Hrrrmmmpph. This feels like Biblical times and I am being forced to leave the village. Maybe they are afraid I will attract bears. Who knows, but if you have answers as to why, please enlighten me.
Feeling relaxed and rejuvenated from our 3 days in Pattaya, we are ready to hit Bangkok for some hard core sight seeing. Thank God the one thing Kerianne and I do have in common is our shared love of sleeping in; an early start for us means leaving the hotel room before 12:30 pm. In one week, we manage to cram in a ton of sight seeing. We see the Grand Palace, the Wat Arun (a temple with VERTICAL stairs), the zoo, the floating market, a silk entrepreneur’s mansion, shrines, and Budhhas, Buddhas, and more Buddhas; you name it, we saw it. And did you know that Bangkok is kind of like the Venice of Asia? I didn’t. We took a boat tour of the canals and saw a completely different side of the city. Our favorite sight seeing highlights? Well, since day one, Kerianne had her sights set on riding an elephant in Thailand. A word to the wise, do not mess with this girl if she has her eye on the prize. Nothing will deter her. So after the Floating Market we make our way to the Rose Garden for the elephant show to check out some elephants shakin’ what their mamas gave them. And alas, Kerianne was finally able to ride her elephant. True it was only for about 40 seconds and in one small circle, but she was able to ride it nonetheless.
Another joint favorite of ours would undoubtedly be the Lady Boy show. (Side note: I don’t think its actual name is the Lady Boy show, but that’s what I coined it.) Thailand is pretty well known for its transvestites, so they bank on it by putting on a kick ass cabaret show comprised of all men. Women, if you want to feel badly about yourself, go to a Lady Boy show. Personally, nothing makes me feel crappier than walking away and wishing I could look as good in women’s underwear as these men did. But as they say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. And try as I might, I was unable to detect Adam’s apples or any, um, hint of manliness south of the border. I would have sworn these were actually women and this whole show was just a farce, but then I heard the voices and that theory went out the window. The best part? The photo ops afterwards. I had my picture taken with as many Lady Boys as would let me. I’m pretty sure, and Kerianne confirms, that I made an ass out of myself gushing about their beauty, turning bright red, and then pushing and shoving to get my picture with the next Lady Boy down the line. So, if you don’t feel like getting me a jet ski, a Lady Boy for my own personal entertainment will also suffice. I’m just throwing ideas out there.
So was the entire trip all peaches and cream? Not exactly. There were most definitely times when the respective traveling styles of Kerianne and I clashed big time. I aim to abandon the comforts of home when traveling whereas Kerianne prefers to embrace them. We had to bust out our compromising skills and put them to good use. So I kept my eye rolling and moaning to a minimum as we perused the inside of many malls and McDonalds, and she did the same while we ate in hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurants and I took a gazillion pictures of tropical flowers. As a lover of PB & J, pizza, and classic American cuisine, Thai food was not exactly up Kerianne’s alley. But bless her peanut butter loving heart; she gave Thai food a shot, even if it was mostly chicken fried rice. She even claimed to enjoy the dessert of mango, and coconut sticky rice. P.S. that dessert was so amazing I had to change my pants afterwards. Suffice it to say, neither of us got to do things exactly the way we wanted the whole time, but somehow we managed to create a pretty good mix of the two us without any eye gouging or hair pulling. A few close calls, but somehow, to our disbelief, we’re still friends.
My final review of Bangkok would state that I found it to be a fascinating city, but one I’m not positive I would return to. The sights and history are spectacular; the intricacy and elaborateness of the temples is almost unparalleled. The spirituality and devotion expressed on street side shrines is both inspiring and mesmerizing. The boat ride through the canals offered a unique view of Bangkok I’d never expected to see. On the downside, the traffic in Bangkok is enough to make the most patient person in the world want to slit their own wrists. Doesn’t matter if it’s 11 am or 11 pm – all traffic all the time. The city is also insanely busy, geared toward tourism, and I think I heard more English than Thai being spoken. While I emphatically recommend visiting Bangkok, I think my next trip to Thailand will be aimed at places a little more remote and off the beaten path. That being said, I am now a big fan. Go see it for yourself and let me know what you think.
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