Any last words?

Alas the day has come; I’m going home. I am sitting at the airport with about 2 hours to kill until I can check in for my flight. Now, my plan was to spend this blog reminiscing and getting all nostalgic about China and how I’ve grown and learned and yada yada yada. But first, I just want to say that Chinese Airport Starbucks dicked me over by selling me gift cards with no money on them! I thought I wouldn’t have to pay for my airport breakfast this morning by using my prepaid gift cards at Starbucks, but low and behold I am drinking my hot chocolate paid for by money out of my pocket! (Cue grumbling and muttering to myself and the onset of a bad mood). I just wanted tell my story to the world so others don’t have to suffer as needlessly as I have. I hear that Starbucks rip offs are among the leading causes of emotional scarring throughout the world.

Well, I refuse to let Airport Starbucks interrupt my blog of wisdom and reflection, so here goes. It’s been a rough morning. Leaving is harder than I thought it would be. For the past few months I’ve been pissing and moaning about the pollution, the poop on the streets (animal or human…you never know), the incessant crowds, the staring…you name it, I’ve bitched about it. I’ve been so amped up to leave that I almost forgot about everything I’m going to miss. My friend Star, probably the best friend I’ve made in China, saw me off this morning, and saying goodbye to that kid was like an emotional punch in the gut. You’ve never met someone so sweet and caring about others. He’s like a teddy bear wrapped in cotton candy and topped with rainbows and sunshine. And there are so many just like him. If I could, I’d stuff them all in my suitcase and take them with me. With the exception of a rare few, I’ve found most Chinese people to be really kind and gracious. (This is excluding some douche bag taxi drivers and the airport employee who sold me the crap gift cards). And then there are the foreign teachers I worked with – a really oddly mixed group of people, but I would not have survived without them. Of all the things I will miss about China, I will miss people the most.

Now, I’m not going to romanticize my experience: to say I’ve loved every second of being in China would be a complete and utter lie. There are times I wanted bitch slap China in the face, and it probably wanted to do the same to me. My relationship with China was kind of like a high school romance – I had my period of infatuation and elation, and then things got a bit rocky and I wanted to take a break. We had high points and low points, and in the end, I will remember the high points fondly, and the low points were learning experiences for my future “relationships.” And just like any break up, I’m crying now that it’s over. But even the things that drove me out of my mind are a part of the culture that I wouldn’t have traded. Yeah, it’s different from what I’m used to, but if I wanted the familiarity of home, I would have stayed there. I’m a different person because of China. I got to immerse myself in a culture that before I had only vaguely learned about in history classes and through Jackie Chan movies. I got to do something I’ve been dreaming about for years, and I like to think I’m slightly the wiser for it.

There are many things I can do that seemed impossible when I first arrived. I remember feeling like an infant when I got here; I couldn’t express myself, I couldn’t order my own food, I couldn’t go anywhere without assistance. I was utterly helpless. I now know enough Chinese to have simple conversations, buy my own train tickets, order meals, and haggle with the best of ‘em. The Chinese language is not the white noise that it once was. Granted, half the time I’m making educated guesses at what they might possibly be saying and about 98% of the time I’m wrong. But that’s a 2% improvement from when I started! Since coming here, I’ve become a better multi-tasker: I can effectively wash dishes while showering. I’m not sure I’ll even remember how to do the dishes with my clothes on. I’ve also gained some aggression. Coming from a formerly passive person, this is actually a positive trait. I no longer politely stand aside while everyone takes advantage of my manners; I can elbow my way to the front of the line. I can shove my way onto a subway when it didn’t seem possible to fit one more person. I can make myself heard in a sea of screaming customers. In short, I traded in my manners for some assertion and learned to survive because of it. I have not, however, improved my ability to use squat toilets. I still manage to pee on myself a little bit every time. I now have deep respect for those who use these on a daily basis without soiling themselves.

What else can I tell you? I guess I learned to give up some of my pre-conceived notions and just go with it. Prior to my trip to China, I had Asians lumped into one category: clean, well mannered, organized and efficient. Turns out, that’s not entirely true. Chinese people come from a traditional, ritualized and structured culture, but that’s old school China. The rituals and traditions are often a thing of the past, and the majority of modern China is pushy, bustling and absolute chaos. I had to adapt. I had to get used to rules and directions and schedules changing on a whim. The cliché ‘expect the unexpected’ became my anthem. China’s constant pandemonium got on my nerves. A LOT. But, it was an awesome reminder that I am on someone else’s turf and I don’t get to dictate how I think someone else’s culture should be run. Living in China has been a pretty humbling experience: my customs and culture are not universal and I need to get over it. Once I stopped comparing and just appreciated China for the unique culture that it is, the irritation took a backseat to awe and observation. If I can take one thing away from China it is this: things are not what they seem and not what you expect, so just enjoy it for what it is. In the words of John Lennon, “Let it be.”

So as I am now leaving to board my plane and will be eating my mom’s lasagna in just 14 short hours, I will part with this: I am different because of China. Not better, not worse, but different. I spent a year in a foreign country that I knew absolutely nothing about. I used balls I didn’t know I had. I am ready to go, but there are many things I’m positive I will miss. I will miss my friends, street barbeques, Chinese babies, deciphering a new language, nightlife, fresh fruits on the street corners, my students, exercising with the foreign teachers, walking down unfamiliar alleys, using chopsticks, cheap beer, and being 100% out of my element. It will be nice to be able to read street signs and shop for all the foods I’ve missed, but I know what’s coming and it’s all expected. I will miss that about my life in China. I know now that my stint in China is not a ‘one-time only’ type of deal. I’m meant to surround myself with the unfamiliar, and someday I will be writing this blog from Honduras, or Morocco, or Finland, or wherever else I’m going to end up. So China, thanks for that. You have been one of the most defining experiences I’ve had to date and I won’t forget you. So take care of yourself China, I’m sure we’ll see each other again someday. Until then, peace out.

Oh China, you got me again

China, China, China. Sometimes I wonder to myself how this culture has survived for thousands of years and hasn’t gone extinct. These are quite clever people, but their lack of common sense/organization/logical planning is as bad as mine. (If you know me well, you know my common sense is practically non-existent). So, I’m hanging out at a café just killing time until the power comes back on in the apartment building. For the next five days, we are living without electricity from noon until midnight. It wouldn’t so bad if it wasn’t as hot as the devil’s rectum in our apartments! Being in the apartment without fans or AC is like sitting in a sauna without the benefits for your skin. So we find out about this two days prior to it happening, which to China’s credit, is quite advanced notice for them. Some of us had the idea that maybe we’ll blow this joint and head somewhere air conditioned for the weekend. Ahhhh, but then comes the second notice.

Right next to the lack of power bulletin is the newest news flash: because of the holiday next week, you will have three days off! However, you must make up all your classes this Saturday and Sunday. Excellent. What puzzles me is this: the holiday, Dragon Boat festival, is not a new holiday. It’s a national holiday that’s been around for a while. So the government, or the school, or Big Brother, or whoever is making the decisions around here has known about this upcoming festival for, presumably, a long time. So why is it that the decision to cancel work and school and convert Saturday and Sunday to the new Monday and Tuesday is happening with less than a week’s notice? I truly don’t understand how people aren’t in an uproar. If this happened in the West, people would be shitting their pants. Imagine that the week of Thanksgiving the government decides that everyone can have Friday off but instead they must work on Sunday. If it wasn’t so irritating, it would be comical. If you are an anal retentive, schedule oriented person, don’t come to China for an extended period time. I’m used to flakiness and change of plans because, well, I’m a flake. I’m just not used to it at a national level. At the end of the day (in which I am sitting in the dark) I realize I just have to roll with it. Maybe this is China’s way of teaching me that things don’t always go as planned. Suck it up and move on. End of story. But damn China, working on the weekend AND no AC? That’s harsh. I guess you got me again.

Lebanon!

So Thailand was supposed to be my last big side trip outside of China, but when you have family and a free place to stay in Lebanon, how do you say no to that? You don’t. So abandoning all hope of saving any money, I bought a plane ticket to Beirut and spent 8 days in the “Paris of the Middle East.” And lucky for me, my lovely aunt Sharon played the perfect hostess and tour guide. I’m not even sure where to begin; the entire trip was absolutely, ridiculously, out of this world amazing. I feel a little guilty saying this, like I’m cheating on China, but daaaaaaaaaaamn. The Mediterranean, the people, the food, the clean air, the Roman ruins, you name it, I loved it. Maybe I should just list a few of my favorite things, or does that sound too much like the song in the Sound of Music?

Well let’s start with my first night; after a long and exhausting flight, my aunt greets me and immediately takes me to her apartment that has: A) a kitchen sink B) a mattress that doesn’t resemble a plank of wood C) food that isn’t Chinese. It’s like my own personal heaven. Touring around Beirut the next few days was such a breath of fresh air, literally and metaphorically. The sky is bright blue, we are walking along the Mediterranean, people aren’t staring, babies are wearing diapers, and Middle Eastern men are pretty damn easy on the eyes. Turns out I’m the one staring. Beirut is such a fantastic blend of Eastern and Western cultures, historical and modern, optimism and a reminder of the past. Bullet laden buildings still stand as a reminder of the civil war and detriment that Lebanon underwent so recently, but the new and remodeled down town area represents progress and survival. Mosques and churches line the streets and gorgeous archaic buildings are tucked amongst the budding sky rises. I enjoy meandering around the city taking pictures down hidden streets, eating in cafes in the downtown area, and shopping in stores that carry my size. This city has character, and I just know eight days will not be long enough. (My God, I sound like I’m about to burst into song; I should take the cheese factor down a notch or two).

Just when I thought it couldn’t get more awesome, my aunt arranges for me to take a trip to Syria for a few days with some other Americans my age. Other than being detained at the border for four hours and having to hitchhike with some guards, the trip kind of rocked my world. We take a long, windy drive (with me attempting not to hurl in the backseat) to Krak de Chevaliers, a crusader castle in the hillsides. AWESOME. The architecture, the views, the landscape, everything about it is intensely gorgeous and mesmerizing. Next up, a quick stop to visit the water wheels that are hundreds of years old for some amazing pictures. (Well mine are pretty amateur, but I’m sure somebody with talent would have taken amazing shots). My favorite part of Syria, besides the hummus, would definitely have to be the day at the Souks. As a huge fan of shopping, I thoroughly enjoy shopping when you can talk your way down from the original price. For this, I have to thank China for beefing up my bargaining skills. Everywhere in China you must bargain as if your life depends on it. I was planning on being thrifty and buying just a neat little souvenir or two, but who are we kidding. I had to feed my scarf addiction and do my part to help the Syrian economy. I’m pretty sure if Syria wasn’t thriving before, it was after I came through. Had I more room in my suitcase and more money in my wallet, I probably could have emptied some of those stalls of their entire inventory. FYI, my apartment will be homage to my travels; looks like Barrett’s stuff is going to have to find a new home in the storage unit.

My few days in Damascus and the Syrian countryside quickly come to an end, but that means I still have more time to spend in Beirut. The next few days each start out the same: drinking tea and reading a book on the balcony overlooking the Mediterranean. After that I wander around the city by foot- peering into shops, walking along the Corniche, and ogling Lebanese men. Did I mention they’re good looking? My trip also would not have been complete without the amazing day trips my aunt planned for me. One would be the day I spent in Baalbeck; a site dedicated to ruins that date back to the Phoenician era complete with some of the most impressive ruins and temples I’ve ever seen. Next highlight would be the afternoon I spent at the American University of Beirut. Did you know they have their own private beach on the campus? All of a sudden, my alma mater is looking quite crappy in comparison; all we had was a damn rodeo. And, last but not least, the highlight of not just my trip, but probably of my life is seeing the Jeita caves. This cave and grotto is a couple hours outside of Beirut and up for one of the seven natural wonders of the world. It has my vote. Walking in there is like entering an Indiana Jones movie; the most amazing natural formations I’ve ever seen in my entire life – stalagmites and stalactites the size of full grown men. It’s just bad ass; I don’t know how else to describe it. And the grotto has this piercing jade colored water that I could never ever forget if I tried. It’s truly one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in my 26 years of existence. It’s too bad that photography isn’t allowed and that I tend to abide by the rules. Bugger.

So, sadly, after 8 glorious days of soaking up Middle Eastern culture and smoking my first hookah with Aunt Sharon, it’s time to go home. And I wish with all my heart that I could say my journey home was as smooth and enjoyable as my whole vacation, but alas I cannot. It seems that on my last day in Beirut I ate something that didn’t quiiiiite agree with me. I was fine on the flight to Dubai, but somewhere during my 10 hour layover, this mystery food caught up with me. And it caught up with me in every bathroom in the Dubai airport, and unfortunately on a passerbyer on the path to the toilets. Sir, you know who you are, and again, I apologize. And wouldn’t you know it, when you have to puke and pee at the same time, they don’t always take turns like they should. So as I’m boarding the plane to Beijing, everyone around me is kind of holding their nose because I smell of almost every bodily function known to man. Yep, I guess this is how I choose to represent America – smelling like piss and vomit. It concerns me that this is the second blog in less than a year that has a large section dedicated to puke. Did I do something in a past life? Is this karma? Anyways, after arriving in Beijing exhausted and smelly, I want nothing more than just to get on the 2 hour train to Shijiazhuang and pass out in my own bed. But there are no trains. Wouldn’t you fucking know it? So guess who gets stuck on a 7 hour sleeper bus complete with old men urinating in the aisle? If you guessed me, contact me for your grand prize. I think this was China’s own special way of welcoming me back with gusto. Strangely enough, it does kind of feel good to be home. Who would have thought? So thanks for tuning in for my spectacular Lebanese adventure, and I bid you adieu until next time.