Curvy. Voluptuous. Full-figured. Pleasantly plump. Whatever you want to call it, I’m not thin by any stretch of the imagination. And while I may have been a little self conscious of it in the States, the average female in America is between size 12 and 14, so I never felt too out of place. Fast forward to living in China: the average female weight is probably between 25 and 30 pounds. That might be a slight exaggeration, but I swear it’s not that far off base! If anything is going to make you feel like a chunker, being surrounded by these bean poles will. In case you haven’t seen any Asian people lately, let me tell you, a very small minority of them have any meat on their bones. These people are tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny. So if being white doesn’t make me stand out enough, having sizable hips doesn’t help matters.
To make things worse, Chinese people are super obsessed with weight and super open about it to boot. I still remember my very first week of classes; students were assigned partners and had to introduce each other to the class. Some of the girls would introduce their friends with lead-ins such as, “This is my friend. She is fat because she is lazy and does not exercise.” The first shock to my system was that this was a perfectly acceptable way to speak about your friends – no offense taken. It’s not an insult if it’s a “fact.” The second shock was when I actually examined these alleged fat girls. These girls are probably 110 pounds soaking wet. If Chinese girls have anything resembling curves, padding, boobs, or an ass – they are fat. The sad thing is that the weight obsession starts ridiculously young. I tutor 10 year olds on the weekend, and one girl is so tiny she looks like she has rickets, and the other is a perfectly normal and healthy weight for a child. But of course, the tiny one calls the other one fat on a consistent basis. Body image here is warped. Some girls are afraid of exercising because they don’t want to get muscular like a boy. A student of mine told me her biggest fear in life is getting fat. Now you may be asking yourself right now, “Has she deluded herself into thinking there are no ridiculous standards of being thin and beautiful in the States?” Nope. I’m aware of our them; however, it’s small potatoes compared to the Chinese preoccupation with being slender.
So how has all of this affected me? Well, if I had a dollar for every time a Chinese person told me that I’m beautiful, but I’d be more beautiful if I lost weight, I’d be a fucking millionaire. Sometimes they try to offer helpful weight loss tips, like not eating, which has worked well for them. And shopping here? Not many options for me to choose from. (But if I’m being really honest, Chinese fashion doesn’t much appeal to me anyway). The thing is, I know that even if I cut my weight in half, they would probably still think there was more weight to lose. I’m aware they have an obsession with being stick-thin, and that curves and boobs are deemed unattractive. I also know that I would never want to be that thin and that I would look ridiculous as a bean pole. But that doesn’t mean that the comments and stares aren’t soul crushing sometimes. In a way I’ve kind of grown immune to it all, but I think one day I might snap and start force feeding lard down everyone’s throats. There are many things I will miss about China, but this I will not. I’m excited to get back to a country known for supersizing everything and where the word ‘fat’ is considered rude. I want to go back to a place where Beyonce’s body is considered rockin’ and not obese. I want to be able to go into stores that have my size and have more than two options to choose from. I want to be home where there is more than one version of beautiful! All I know is, come July 14th I will be in America feasting on lasagna, garlic bread, cupcakes, and whatever artery clogging food I can get my hands on, and damn it, I will embrace my steadily spreading ass!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A day in the life
So I found a real café in Shijiazhuang, and not the crappy chicken/tea restaurant that I was using as a second rate substitution. This café has great big plush couches, exotic teas, a piano player, and a variety of over-priced foods to munch on. It’s everything a café should be. Unfortunately, the only reason I found this place was because I was taken there on a job interview. Or at least that’s what the guy told me it would be. Turns out, not a job interview, but a “date” with a pervy married guy who has a son named Obama. It did not matter how many times I told this guy I was involved/ not interested/would never be interested/would rather date an orangutan, he would just wink conspiratorially and tell me he understood my need to keep things secret. I just wanted to meet and learn how make an extra few bucks on the weekend, and instead the evening turned into the longest hour and a half of my life. I highly regret not bringing enough cash to pay for my own taxi ride home so I could bust the hell out of there, but live and learn is my motto. But on the upside I now have a new kick ass café where I can write my blogs in peace.
At the moment I’m taking a break from planning lessons to write about the current goings-on in China. Most of my students are preparing for a crazy important exam; if they don’t pass this test then their degree is about as useful as toilet paper. On second thought, toilet paper is pretty useful, but I think you get where I’m going with this. As a result, they are on edge, cranky, and very difficult to please right now. If we do test preparation, they find this stressful and overwhelming. If we play games to help practice their English then it’s not useful and it’s beneath them. I can’t win at the moment so I’ve given up trying to please everyone. I suppose that if I were in their shoes I’d be crapping myself too, so I’m going to cut them a little slack. I’m just hoping they go back to their happy-go-lucky selves soon enough. The week after the test I promised them a movie to celebrate – this is a big reward for them. Although, after having to watch Elf nine times in one week, I’ve learned my lesson-show different movies to different classes.
So other than dealing with grumpy students, life in China is going along swimmingly. The weather is improving and every once in a while, blue skies have been peaking through the thick haze of smog. Warm weather is approaching, although you’d never know it by the way Chinese people are dressed. Weather that I would deem worthy of capri pants and t-shirts is still long sleeves and jacket weather to them. Chinese people are deathly afraid of cold. I’m not making this up. Very few of them drink cold water – it’s always hot. They also are adamantly against fans/air conditioning/etc. In fact, they have glass suction type massages for the sole purpose of removing the “cold” that is trapped in your body. I received this treatment my very first week in China, and as a result my back looked liked a demented Twister game. I get the biggest kick out of watching students freak out when I wear a short sleeved shirt to class. They audibly gasp like I just came in naked, or like I denounced Chairman Mao. Ahhh, their Mao obsession – that’s a topic about which I could write an entire blog; but that’s a tangent for another day. Back to the topic at hand – the warm weather. My favorite part of this weather? Glad you asked. The outdoor barbeques are back. For under $5 a few of us can sit outside and eat lamb kabobs, fried bread, chicken wings, and grilled veggies. It’s positively one of my favorite things to do on a nice warm evening. Afterwards you can stroll down the street and get skewered fruit kabobs for about 10 cents. There’s something about cheap. fresh fruit on every corner that just makes life a little bit better.
Any other news in China? Well, I had a 4 day weekend last weekend so I only worked about 10 hours last week. Ha, I can feel the death glares. Last weekend was Tomb Sweeping Holiday so students had a Monday off of work and school to honor the dead. Here’s a trivial tidbit for you – Chinese people wear white to funerals. I tell you I’m learning something new every day! On my day off I had an invitation for a day trip with students that I only accepted because I didn’t know how to say no. As it turns out, I’m really glad I went. I was mildly skeptical at first, because Chinese people have a relatively different concept of what constitutes as fun. After all, these are the students who report back every week about spending their weekends playing computer games and chatting on the internet to their friends in the next dormitory. But wouldn’t you know it, these students busted out their wild sides to take me to see the oldest bridge in the history of the world.
We had to meet at 7:30 am which is still the middle of the night, but I guess it’s necessary to get up that early when you have to transfer buses 3 times. So a group of 7 students and I, along with my British friend Fiona, took a 2 hour journey to a nearby county. Students were hoping to see the pear trees blossoming, but we were about 3 weeks too early for that. Plan B: Check out a nearby temple and watch a procession of monks. I’ve seen a lot of temples, and it’s true they all start to meld together after a while, but this one happened to be spectacularly beautiful. When it comes down to it, a nice morning checking out a quiet temple beats sleeping in and surfing our ridiculously slow internet.
So after the temple we take a tuk-tuk ride to the infamous Zhao Zhou Bridge. Students, in their attempt to be helpful, wanted me to get in for half price so they lent me a student ID card. Did you know that I don’t look Chinese and that I cannot successfully pass off for someone named Wang Mengmeng? This bridge better rock my world, because I just paid full price. So, its big claim to fame is being the oldest arch bridge in the history of bridges. I guess it’s kind of cool, in its own first bridge kind of way. Although, it quickly loses its luster after about four and a half minutes. Never fear, there is shopping, and picnics and boat rides, oh my! Boat riding wasn’t my idea, but if 7 students want to paddle in some smelly and murky water, who am I to kill the dream? And bless ‘em, they rowed their hearts out. True, my students were equivalent to the Special Olympics rowing team, and I doubt they’ll be going out for crew any time soon, but they are just so damn cute! You can’t help but love them and their hearts of gold.
In other news, I am still on a quest to make the most of my last few months in China. I went hiking this weekend at a local mountain, and when I say hiking I mean stair climbing. There is nothing remotely natural about the paths up mountains in China. It’s all man-made steps, and after about half an hour my ass is completely on fire. Luckily it’s quite pretty and nice to get out of the city, but I miss Mount Rainier, and trails, and winding paths sans litter. And this is the first time I’ve ever seen hikers smoking as they puff and hack their way up the mountain. Hiking, like everything else in China, is back-asswards from what I’m used to. But the cherry blossoms are blooming, the Chinese hikers are friendly, and I am definitely sculpting my calves. The pretty awesome cherry on the mountain-shaped-sundae is the temple that’s in the process of being built at the top. I’ve never seen the temple process in action, and we got to meet the architect and designer of the religious statues. I’m glad I checked out this mountain before they turn it into an expensive tourist trap.
I think that about sums up the most interesting things going on in my life at the moment. I’m still studying my Chinese with the help of some Chinese friends and an illegally downloaded copy of Rosetta Stone. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but God Bless China’s pirating opportunities! Anyways, I can speak a handful of relevant Chinese phrases- nothing brag-worthy, but I’ve been able to make do and speak some very limited conversations. Other than that, I’m planning on hitting up the Botanical Gardens and a hanging temple next weekend. Hopefully within a few weeks I’ll have more updates for you on the awesomeness that is my life in China.
At the moment I’m taking a break from planning lessons to write about the current goings-on in China. Most of my students are preparing for a crazy important exam; if they don’t pass this test then their degree is about as useful as toilet paper. On second thought, toilet paper is pretty useful, but I think you get where I’m going with this. As a result, they are on edge, cranky, and very difficult to please right now. If we do test preparation, they find this stressful and overwhelming. If we play games to help practice their English then it’s not useful and it’s beneath them. I can’t win at the moment so I’ve given up trying to please everyone. I suppose that if I were in their shoes I’d be crapping myself too, so I’m going to cut them a little slack. I’m just hoping they go back to their happy-go-lucky selves soon enough. The week after the test I promised them a movie to celebrate – this is a big reward for them. Although, after having to watch Elf nine times in one week, I’ve learned my lesson-show different movies to different classes.
So other than dealing with grumpy students, life in China is going along swimmingly. The weather is improving and every once in a while, blue skies have been peaking through the thick haze of smog. Warm weather is approaching, although you’d never know it by the way Chinese people are dressed. Weather that I would deem worthy of capri pants and t-shirts is still long sleeves and jacket weather to them. Chinese people are deathly afraid of cold. I’m not making this up. Very few of them drink cold water – it’s always hot. They also are adamantly against fans/air conditioning/etc. In fact, they have glass suction type massages for the sole purpose of removing the “cold” that is trapped in your body. I received this treatment my very first week in China, and as a result my back looked liked a demented Twister game. I get the biggest kick out of watching students freak out when I wear a short sleeved shirt to class. They audibly gasp like I just came in naked, or like I denounced Chairman Mao. Ahhh, their Mao obsession – that’s a topic about which I could write an entire blog; but that’s a tangent for another day. Back to the topic at hand – the warm weather. My favorite part of this weather? Glad you asked. The outdoor barbeques are back. For under $5 a few of us can sit outside and eat lamb kabobs, fried bread, chicken wings, and grilled veggies. It’s positively one of my favorite things to do on a nice warm evening. Afterwards you can stroll down the street and get skewered fruit kabobs for about 10 cents. There’s something about cheap. fresh fruit on every corner that just makes life a little bit better.
Any other news in China? Well, I had a 4 day weekend last weekend so I only worked about 10 hours last week. Ha, I can feel the death glares. Last weekend was Tomb Sweeping Holiday so students had a Monday off of work and school to honor the dead. Here’s a trivial tidbit for you – Chinese people wear white to funerals. I tell you I’m learning something new every day! On my day off I had an invitation for a day trip with students that I only accepted because I didn’t know how to say no. As it turns out, I’m really glad I went. I was mildly skeptical at first, because Chinese people have a relatively different concept of what constitutes as fun. After all, these are the students who report back every week about spending their weekends playing computer games and chatting on the internet to their friends in the next dormitory. But wouldn’t you know it, these students busted out their wild sides to take me to see the oldest bridge in the history of the world.
We had to meet at 7:30 am which is still the middle of the night, but I guess it’s necessary to get up that early when you have to transfer buses 3 times. So a group of 7 students and I, along with my British friend Fiona, took a 2 hour journey to a nearby county. Students were hoping to see the pear trees blossoming, but we were about 3 weeks too early for that. Plan B: Check out a nearby temple and watch a procession of monks. I’ve seen a lot of temples, and it’s true they all start to meld together after a while, but this one happened to be spectacularly beautiful. When it comes down to it, a nice morning checking out a quiet temple beats sleeping in and surfing our ridiculously slow internet.
So after the temple we take a tuk-tuk ride to the infamous Zhao Zhou Bridge. Students, in their attempt to be helpful, wanted me to get in for half price so they lent me a student ID card. Did you know that I don’t look Chinese and that I cannot successfully pass off for someone named Wang Mengmeng? This bridge better rock my world, because I just paid full price. So, its big claim to fame is being the oldest arch bridge in the history of bridges. I guess it’s kind of cool, in its own first bridge kind of way. Although, it quickly loses its luster after about four and a half minutes. Never fear, there is shopping, and picnics and boat rides, oh my! Boat riding wasn’t my idea, but if 7 students want to paddle in some smelly and murky water, who am I to kill the dream? And bless ‘em, they rowed their hearts out. True, my students were equivalent to the Special Olympics rowing team, and I doubt they’ll be going out for crew any time soon, but they are just so damn cute! You can’t help but love them and their hearts of gold.
In other news, I am still on a quest to make the most of my last few months in China. I went hiking this weekend at a local mountain, and when I say hiking I mean stair climbing. There is nothing remotely natural about the paths up mountains in China. It’s all man-made steps, and after about half an hour my ass is completely on fire. Luckily it’s quite pretty and nice to get out of the city, but I miss Mount Rainier, and trails, and winding paths sans litter. And this is the first time I’ve ever seen hikers smoking as they puff and hack their way up the mountain. Hiking, like everything else in China, is back-asswards from what I’m used to. But the cherry blossoms are blooming, the Chinese hikers are friendly, and I am definitely sculpting my calves. The pretty awesome cherry on the mountain-shaped-sundae is the temple that’s in the process of being built at the top. I’ve never seen the temple process in action, and we got to meet the architect and designer of the religious statues. I’m glad I checked out this mountain before they turn it into an expensive tourist trap.
I think that about sums up the most interesting things going on in my life at the moment. I’m still studying my Chinese with the help of some Chinese friends and an illegally downloaded copy of Rosetta Stone. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but God Bless China’s pirating opportunities! Anyways, I can speak a handful of relevant Chinese phrases- nothing brag-worthy, but I’ve been able to make do and speak some very limited conversations. Other than that, I’m planning on hitting up the Botanical Gardens and a hanging temple next weekend. Hopefully within a few weeks I’ll have more updates for you on the awesomeness that is my life in China.
The Small, Slender, Chinese Wedding
On January 2nd of this year I was able to attend a pretty rad demonstration of Chinese culture – a Chinese wedding. I am aware it’s already May, so my blogging is just sliiiiiightly behind schedule. Oops. So I received the wedding invite via text message from the groom. The groom, Devin, is the assistant/translator for a CEO that I occasionally teach private English lessons. He’s a pretty cool guy, and even though I don’t know anyone, I figure this is probably the only time in my life I will get to attend a Chinese wedding. The first immediate difference between Chinese and American weddings – the bride and groom are waiting together at the entrance of the hotel to greet guests as they arrive. I’m escorted to a round table and sit next to the CEO and some of his business associates. At the table are some appetizers, Chinese white wine, and several packs of expensive cigarettes. A quick note on traditional Chinese white wine- it is Satan in a shot glass. This stuff is strong and tastes like jet fuel - a few shots of this and people have to peel me off of the floor. On a secondary note – if someone important offers you this drink, it’s a big slap in the face to them if you refuse. More on that later.
So the Chinese ceremony and reception are one meshed event so there’s no need to change locations. The party comes to us! So the lights have been dimmed and the ceremony is beginning. Now keep in mind I can only understand about every 18th word, so my comprehension is shall we say, somewhat minimal. But my powers of observation are still in check, so here’s what I gathered: The bride and groom walk down the aisle separately and the atmosphere is kind of like a rave. Bright and multicolored strobe lights are flashing and confetti is being pelted at them. When they finally make their way up the aisle, there is a lot of speech giving, bowing to the parents, and drinking from a tower of flowing champagne. It’s all very sweet, but I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the music selection. The only songs I can understand are “I can Show you the World” from Aladdin, and a power ballad from the eighties. I can’t remember the name of the song, but the lyrics go a little something like: “I’m your laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady, and you are my man….whenever you reach for me…” and so on and so forth. Man oh man, leave it to the Chinese to use these songs in their wedding soundtrack.
So after a short 15 or 20 minute ceremony, the bride and groom walk back down the aisle and then the food and drinking commence. The platters of traditional Chinese food start coming, and coming, and they just keep coming. It’s traditional to have way more food than can possibly be eaten but I gave it my best shot. Free food? Wouldn’t you dig in too? So after everyone starts stuffing their faces, the Chinese start their tradition of toasting everyone and their dog walkers’ uncles. Just when you start to take a delicious bite, someone comes over and we must stand up and do the obligatory toasting and cheersing with the drinks of “liquid Satan.” I mean seriously, every time I took a mouthful of food, someone else was at our table eager to clink some glasses. So, not wanting to be rude, I stand up every time someone raises their glass and I down that devil of a drink. If I’ve failed to mention it before, baijiu has an alcohol content of about 4 bajillion percent. So my politeness has now gotten me tanked, but before I make too big of an ass out of myself, the wait staff comes around and clears plates, the lights come up, and the message is clear: Everyone get the hell out. The entire wedding from start to finish is an hour and a half. Luckily for me, the CEO offered to drive me home so I didn’t have to stumble out in the snow and find a taxi in my state. It was by far, the shortest, most direct, and to the point wedding I've ever been to. Maybe American weddings should take the hint...
So the Chinese ceremony and reception are one meshed event so there’s no need to change locations. The party comes to us! So the lights have been dimmed and the ceremony is beginning. Now keep in mind I can only understand about every 18th word, so my comprehension is shall we say, somewhat minimal. But my powers of observation are still in check, so here’s what I gathered: The bride and groom walk down the aisle separately and the atmosphere is kind of like a rave. Bright and multicolored strobe lights are flashing and confetti is being pelted at them. When they finally make their way up the aisle, there is a lot of speech giving, bowing to the parents, and drinking from a tower of flowing champagne. It’s all very sweet, but I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the music selection. The only songs I can understand are “I can Show you the World” from Aladdin, and a power ballad from the eighties. I can’t remember the name of the song, but the lyrics go a little something like: “I’m your laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady, and you are my man….whenever you reach for me…” and so on and so forth. Man oh man, leave it to the Chinese to use these songs in their wedding soundtrack.
So after a short 15 or 20 minute ceremony, the bride and groom walk back down the aisle and then the food and drinking commence. The platters of traditional Chinese food start coming, and coming, and they just keep coming. It’s traditional to have way more food than can possibly be eaten but I gave it my best shot. Free food? Wouldn’t you dig in too? So after everyone starts stuffing their faces, the Chinese start their tradition of toasting everyone and their dog walkers’ uncles. Just when you start to take a delicious bite, someone comes over and we must stand up and do the obligatory toasting and cheersing with the drinks of “liquid Satan.” I mean seriously, every time I took a mouthful of food, someone else was at our table eager to clink some glasses. So, not wanting to be rude, I stand up every time someone raises their glass and I down that devil of a drink. If I’ve failed to mention it before, baijiu has an alcohol content of about 4 bajillion percent. So my politeness has now gotten me tanked, but before I make too big of an ass out of myself, the wait staff comes around and clears plates, the lights come up, and the message is clear: Everyone get the hell out. The entire wedding from start to finish is an hour and a half. Luckily for me, the CEO offered to drive me home so I didn’t have to stumble out in the snow and find a taxi in my state. It was by far, the shortest, most direct, and to the point wedding I've ever been to. Maybe American weddings should take the hint...
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