Having a Big Ass in China

Curvy. Voluptuous. Full-figured. Pleasantly plump. Whatever you want to call it, I’m not thin by any stretch of the imagination. And while I may have been a little self conscious of it in the States, the average female in America is between size 12 and 14, so I never felt too out of place. Fast forward to living in China: the average female weight is probably between 25 and 30 pounds. That might be a slight exaggeration, but I swear it’s not that far off base! If anything is going to make you feel like a chunker, being surrounded by these bean poles will. In case you haven’t seen any Asian people lately, let me tell you, a very small minority of them have any meat on their bones. These people are tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny. So if being white doesn’t make me stand out enough, having sizable hips doesn’t help matters.

To make things worse, Chinese people are super obsessed with weight and super open about it to boot. I still remember my very first week of classes; students were assigned partners and had to introduce each other to the class. Some of the girls would introduce their friends with lead-ins such as, “This is my friend. She is fat because she is lazy and does not exercise.” The first shock to my system was that this was a perfectly acceptable way to speak about your friends – no offense taken. It’s not an insult if it’s a “fact.” The second shock was when I actually examined these alleged fat girls. These girls are probably 110 pounds soaking wet. If Chinese girls have anything resembling curves, padding, boobs, or an ass – they are fat. The sad thing is that the weight obsession starts ridiculously young. I tutor 10 year olds on the weekend, and one girl is so tiny she looks like she has rickets, and the other is a perfectly normal and healthy weight for a child. But of course, the tiny one calls the other one fat on a consistent basis. Body image here is warped. Some girls are afraid of exercising because they don’t want to get muscular like a boy. A student of mine told me her biggest fear in life is getting fat. Now you may be asking yourself right now, “Has she deluded herself into thinking there are no ridiculous standards of being thin and beautiful in the States?” Nope. I’m aware of our them; however, it’s small potatoes compared to the Chinese preoccupation with being slender.

So how has all of this affected me? Well, if I had a dollar for every time a Chinese person told me that I’m beautiful, but I’d be more beautiful if I lost weight, I’d be a fucking millionaire. Sometimes they try to offer helpful weight loss tips, like not eating, which has worked well for them. And shopping here? Not many options for me to choose from. (But if I’m being really honest, Chinese fashion doesn’t much appeal to me anyway). The thing is, I know that even if I cut my weight in half, they would probably still think there was more weight to lose. I’m aware they have an obsession with being stick-thin, and that curves and boobs are deemed unattractive. I also know that I would never want to be that thin and that I would look ridiculous as a bean pole. But that doesn’t mean that the comments and stares aren’t soul crushing sometimes. In a way I’ve kind of grown immune to it all, but I think one day I might snap and start force feeding lard down everyone’s throats. There are many things I will miss about China, but this I will not. I’m excited to get back to a country known for supersizing everything and where the word ‘fat’ is considered rude. I want to go back to a place where Beyonce’s body is considered rockin’ and not obese. I want to be able to go into stores that have my size and have more than two options to choose from. I want to be home where there is more than one version of beautiful! All I know is, come July 14th I will be in America feasting on lasagna, garlic bread, cupcakes, and whatever artery clogging food I can get my hands on, and damn it, I will embrace my steadily spreading ass!