How did this blog get in here?

So, if you’ve been following this blog you’re most likely aware that it consists of my tales, triumphs, and woes of living in China. Well, I figure it’s about time to shake things up a bit and throw a bit of variety your way. So for your viewing pleasure, I am dedicating this blog to the 10 days I spent in Thailand. Still within the Asian realm, I’m assuming Thailand still constitutes as relevant traveling info. So fasten your seat belts ladies and gentlemen – we’re headed to Bangkok.

After saying another goodbye to Barrett and once again weeping and making a scene at the airport, I set off to Bangkok to meet Kerianne. A good friend since college, K Dawg and I are still puzzled as to why we’re friends. This girl and I are like oil and water, day and night, Ann Coulter and a decent human being. But somehow, despite our opposite stances on just about EVERYTHING, we’ve managed to solidify these differences into a pretty stellar friendship. Now we’re about to push the boundaries and become traveling buddies. And are we still friends after spending one month together traipsing around Asia? Stay tuned.

The original plan is to meet at a hostel in Bangkok and spend 10 days there rockin’ the thrifty traveler lifestyle. Kerianne beats me there, and after having spent a shitty week in Russia, she is not psyched to stay at our sub-par hostel. I didn’t think the hostel was too bad, but this again highlights our one of many vast differences. She could use a few days at the beach, and who am I to say no to that? So thanks to her generous family, we are heading out first thing in the morning (and by that I mean 11:30 am) to the Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya.

As it turns out, Pattaya is a bit crowded and touristy for my taste, but it is perfect for a few days of sun, sand, and beating the “Barrett’s-gone-and-I-won’t-see-him-for-another-5-months” blues. And soak up the sun, we did. Somehow to my disappointment but not surprise, I’m still a ghastly shade of white. We also partake in some bargain price parasailing (I don’t recommend it), and I finally lose my jet skiing virginity. This choppy half an hour of stopping/starting/falling off around the ocean is perhaps my favorite 30 minutes of the entire trip. So if anyone needs an idea for my welcome back present, a jet ski will earn you major props. I won’t even take credit for the idea.

On our last morning in Pattaya, we treat ourselves to a traditional Thai massage. A bargain price of $10 for one hour, but I’m not sure who the massage is most therapeutic for: me or the masseuse. If you have anger issues and need to take them out on someone while getting paid for it, I highly recommend moving to Thailand and taking up the art of massage. I don’t know what I did to this lady in a previous life, but she sure as hell felt like taking it out on me now. I don’t think my muscles were meant to move like that. Who knew a 90 pound Thai woman had so much pent up rage! Strangely enough, after a 60 minute beating, I walk away feeling like a brand new woman, and as I write this I am having a masochistic craving for a massage right now. Side note: 4 days later I want a reflexology foot massage and am turned away because it is that time of the month. Hrrrmmmpph. This feels like Biblical times and I am being forced to leave the village. Maybe they are afraid I will attract bears. Who knows, but if you have answers as to why, please enlighten me.

Feeling relaxed and rejuvenated from our 3 days in Pattaya, we are ready to hit Bangkok for some hard core sight seeing. Thank God the one thing Kerianne and I do have in common is our shared love of sleeping in; an early start for us means leaving the hotel room before 12:30 pm. In one week, we manage to cram in a ton of sight seeing. We see the Grand Palace, the Wat Arun (a temple with VERTICAL stairs), the zoo, the floating market, a silk entrepreneur’s mansion, shrines, and Budhhas, Buddhas, and more Buddhas; you name it, we saw it. And did you know that Bangkok is kind of like the Venice of Asia? I didn’t. We took a boat tour of the canals and saw a completely different side of the city. Our favorite sight seeing highlights? Well, since day one, Kerianne had her sights set on riding an elephant in Thailand. A word to the wise, do not mess with this girl if she has her eye on the prize. Nothing will deter her. So after the Floating Market we make our way to the Rose Garden for the elephant show to check out some elephants shakin’ what their mamas gave them. And alas, Kerianne was finally able to ride her elephant. True it was only for about 40 seconds and in one small circle, but she was able to ride it nonetheless.

Another joint favorite of ours would undoubtedly be the Lady Boy show. (Side note: I don’t think its actual name is the Lady Boy show, but that’s what I coined it.) Thailand is pretty well known for its transvestites, so they bank on it by putting on a kick ass cabaret show comprised of all men. Women, if you want to feel badly about yourself, go to a Lady Boy show. Personally, nothing makes me feel crappier than walking away and wishing I could look as good in women’s underwear as these men did. But as they say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. And try as I might, I was unable to detect Adam’s apples or any, um, hint of manliness south of the border. I would have sworn these were actually women and this whole show was just a farce, but then I heard the voices and that theory went out the window. The best part? The photo ops afterwards. I had my picture taken with as many Lady Boys as would let me. I’m pretty sure, and Kerianne confirms, that I made an ass out of myself gushing about their beauty, turning bright red, and then pushing and shoving to get my picture with the next Lady Boy down the line. So, if you don’t feel like getting me a jet ski, a Lady Boy for my own personal entertainment will also suffice. I’m just throwing ideas out there.

So was the entire trip all peaches and cream? Not exactly. There were most definitely times when the respective traveling styles of Kerianne and I clashed big time. I aim to abandon the comforts of home when traveling whereas Kerianne prefers to embrace them. We had to bust out our compromising skills and put them to good use. So I kept my eye rolling and moaning to a minimum as we perused the inside of many malls and McDonalds, and she did the same while we ate in hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurants and I took a gazillion pictures of tropical flowers. As a lover of PB & J, pizza, and classic American cuisine, Thai food was not exactly up Kerianne’s alley. But bless her peanut butter loving heart; she gave Thai food a shot, even if it was mostly chicken fried rice. She even claimed to enjoy the dessert of mango, and coconut sticky rice. P.S. that dessert was so amazing I had to change my pants afterwards. Suffice it to say, neither of us got to do things exactly the way we wanted the whole time, but somehow we managed to create a pretty good mix of the two us without any eye gouging or hair pulling. A few close calls, but somehow, to our disbelief, we’re still friends.

My final review of Bangkok would state that I found it to be a fascinating city, but one I’m not positive I would return to. The sights and history are spectacular; the intricacy and elaborateness of the temples is almost unparalleled. The spirituality and devotion expressed on street side shrines is both inspiring and mesmerizing. The boat ride through the canals offered a unique view of Bangkok I’d never expected to see. On the downside, the traffic in Bangkok is enough to make the most patient person in the world want to slit their own wrists. Doesn’t matter if it’s 11 am or 11 pm – all traffic all the time. The city is also insanely busy, geared toward tourism, and I think I heard more English than Thai being spoken. While I emphatically recommend visiting Bangkok, I think my next trip to Thailand will be aimed at places a little more remote and off the beaten path. That being said, I am now a big fan. Go see it for yourself and let me know what you think.